Being A Rebel

जमाना हो गया जमाने को देखते देखते,  कभी दिन ढलते, कभी मौसम बदलते...  किन-किनका का बोझ लिए जिया जाये, जिंदगी भी थकी जाती हैं यूँ चलते चलते।  कल आने का एहसास भी अब खास नहीं,  बहुत दिन हो गए, यूँ आज को ढलते-ढलते। सर्द मौसम का असर है न, बसंत का इंतज़ार,  अब बरसों हो गए मौसम बदलते-बदलते।  सब रंगो कर रस अब ऐसे ही जान लेते हैं,  ये कहाँ आ गए हम यूँ ही चलते चलते।   कई रंग देखे लोगों के ऐसे ही मिलते मिलते,  कभी साथ साथ चलते, कभी बगल से निकलते... ~ अमित श्रीवास्तव, 5 जनवरी 2015 लखनऊ, भारत।

It is rightly said that this world is limited to your existence.  But this existence is quite complicated. For someone like me - the existence is sprawled right from the means of living being to some in need and to the society, culture and nation.  I must accept that, many a times I have messed with the priorities of these aspects.Hence, lost on the due course of life. Many companions are lost by cruel hands of nature, many mend their ways out. But I keep discovering myself. Past few years made that phase of life, when the mess was on and personal life was on last priority. Intense socio-political campaign which was started years ago has just yielded power change in India. However, many things have changed. Many hopes are proven myths.  Amidst this chaos in thoughts, somewhere the personal existence has been reckoned. And here I am, back to personal blogs, poems and if time permits some serious research articles. :)

How to define, Being me, you or this world...? Everything changing with time, Have seen people dying...  Every day, Every moment, We get closer to the death. Observing self with each breath...  Yet, the illusion of pride and shame, Unsatisfying the achievement flame... Is it right to rise on ruins of someone's life, Is it right to hoard the lust and grieves?  A rat-race, or just a random epoch of time... A divine planning or just mixture of ammonia and lime? Life has lots to answer... I seek answers in meditation and solitude, I ask to the nature and its magnitude... As little time, life has been spent, The opaque idea is intervened by the sprout of vision. By the time of death only, I would come to know the life and its reason. ~  Amit, 20th July 2013 Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

After some stormy event of life, I look inward in search of some insight... Why things went wrong even if I was so right! The wisdom by own thinking... The great men's great teaching... All are for humanity... But was it worth doing! The system of victors and victims is in gain.. And my friends choose to be part of this chain, I stood apart the wanted to shake this train... Was I wrong to be wasted like drain? Good Karma is not seen through time, While wealth accumulates and shine, The power grows, so does pride... The world care only those who have it all, Might is always right, and wealthy have it all. With these thoughts I had a last smile.. But good karma is still like a flower of wilderness: Pure, upright and pristine. Free from the curse to live in polluted world, the rat race and bribe. Be that, what makes you right, Stand bold with no respite! Hail Karma... Its your Dharma :) Sent on my BlackBerry® from Vodafone

With increasingly self centered life, we are facing a world where an individual is becoming more vulnerable to personal disasters like depression, anxiety, grieve, anger and insatiable worries. Interestingly all these topmost sorrows of our lives originate in our mind. We create them, we nurture them and we make them devil to fight against ourselves. Many choose to end their lives by accepting defeat in this battle, many choose a negative way of life, and millions other lose their peace of mind. Question arises, why we become our own enemies by creating such demon in mind? Well, with the help of circumstances and environment, our mind stimulates the emotions and these emotions are very naive and tender to get hurt. When our emotions are hurt, our thinking process starts hatching the negativity which creates the monster in our Mind.    Photo: Sahashtradar Chakra, the source of self-conciseness   In Buddhist philosophy, it is said that – “there are sorrows, and there are ...

My three months at Bangkok have been unusual for a lone single male; as my friends say here. I dint go behind any glittery thing here - material or immaterial . Rather, I joined some spiritual discourse by Buddhist and Hindu sage and monks. For me, it was a big testing time for my own self awareness. I experimented with my thoughts, work, reaction of others and survival skills in not-so-alien land. These days in Bangkok taught me a good lesson for life, 'When you take control of your own life, nothing can happen with you beyond your wish. All worries including stress, anxiety, disappointments, sadness and existential crisis, just wither away. The self awareness becomes more profound and you feel what your wish to feel. This control over own consciousness could be gained by simple meditation focused on realization of self-existence.' No one, no reason and no matter can make you sad. So, you must take control of your own life.    

All adventures and dangers make life interesting, if you are out there alone n cold. You think, you cry, you rejoice, your breakdown... no expectations from someone, no hope for consolation... you got to mentor your own 'run'... and you get out of emotion for further run. The motivation of a better life make the obvious dream... Nothing but a good life is fascinating, and you keep running behind it. You look at others enjoying all fun of life... you console your campaign - 'my life can wait for a good time' and you further run for the dream... and you realize that the running was the only life you had.  

मैं वो नहीं जो आपने समझ रखा है... वो 'मैं' कोई और था, ये 'मैं' कोई और. तो हम आज की बात करते हैं - मुझे आज भी तन्हाईयाँ पसंद तो हैं लेकिन महफ़िल से कोई गुरेज नहीं.  मैं ज़माने की बात तो करता हूँ आज भी, लेकिन खुद से अब परहेज नहीं. पहले बस सोचता था - अब समझ चूका हूँ, मैं हूँ तो दुनिया है नहीं तो बाकी सब कहानी है!  -  अमित   © Amit   14 October 2010

तुम्हे आना है तो आ जाना, वरना सूने दिन और उदास राते हैं, चिंता कल की है, और भी मनहूस बातें हैं. जहर है इन हवाओं में, लोगों में भी जज्बा कम है. यूँ तो सब कुछ है सबके पास, हर दिल में एक ही गम है. ना आओगे तो भी रातें कट जाएगी मेरा जलना ही कहाँ कम है. या फिर चलो तुम अपनी राह तुम्हारे पास और भी बातें हैं हम तो ऐसे ही दीवाने हैं अपनी तो ऐसे दिन और ऐसी ही रातें हैं. © अमित Amit   २३ जून २०१०

रुक जायेगी ज़िन्दगी उस दिन, संतुष्ट हो गया मैं अपने से और अपने आप से जिस दिन. क्षुब्ध हूँ निराश हूँ तो जीवित मेरी प्यास है भूखों-नंगो के दुखों से आहत हूँ तो कुछ कर गुजरने की आस है प्रश्न आते रहेंगे, उत्तर खोजता रहूँगा सारे उत्तर मिल गए जिस दिन नए प्रश्न सोचूंगा उस दिन। २१ सितम्बर २००९ © अमित Amit

एक बार फिर से मैं उसी सड़क पर हूँ.. जिसके सफ़र का कोई छोर नहीं! बस चौराहे ही हैं, राहगीर कोई और नहीं. ठिठकता हूँ हर बार कि मंजिल पास है शायद मील के पत्थर का कोई जोर नहीं. हर बार कि तरह इस बार भी, मुझे पता नहीं किधर जाना है कोई सराय नहीं... कोई ठौर नहीं.

दुआ माँगी तो दर्द मिला, बहार निकले तो मौसम सर्द मिला. चाह थी दुनिया भर के प्यार की, मतलब के लोग मिले और प्यार का आसमान जर्द मिला. यूँ ही दरियादिल बनने चला था मैं, मुझे जो भी मिला, खुदगर्ज़ मिला! - अमित श्रीवास्तव, १ मई २००९ I did ask for blessings (English translation by author himself.) ---------- I did ask for blessings, but received only pain. when I came out, the weather got cold. I was trying to spread the love around the world, Got the people of means, Found the livid sky of love. I just came to make the flush of affection, In response what I got; got selfish! - Amit Srivastava, 1st May 2009 © अमित Amit

...feeling lost since many weeks... and its has been so deeper that now I am getting the remorse of it. And how helpless I am on it... don't know how to tell it to near and dear one.. don't know how would they react on it.. even if I tell it anyhow. But certainly its like a night for my consciousness! I believe, am passing through the darkest part of it. Hoping the dawn's advent is not so long.